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The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."

The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"

The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"]]> Horse http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-040048 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 05 May 2009 09:00:48 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090505-040048 http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-014444
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more manure, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. ]]> Bird http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-014444 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 05 May 2009 06:44:44 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090505-014444 http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-012919
One evening daddy stork didn't show up for dinner. Mommy stork and baby stork waited up for him but he didn't come home at all that night.

When daddy stork finally came home the next day, baby stork asked, "Daddy stork, where were you last night?"

"Out making a young couple very happy," replied daddy stork.

Several weeks later, baby stork was late for dinner. Daddy stork and mommy stork were worried. Their worry increased when baby stork still wasn't home by dark. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt.

Daddy stork barked, "Where were you, baby stork?"

"Out scaring the heck out of some college students," replied baby stork.]]> Misc http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-012919 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 05 May 2009 06:29:19 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090505-012919 http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-012208
He knocks on the door and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a mutt just sitting there.

"Can you talk?" he asks.

"Yes," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.

I had a few flings, a bunch of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed and he goes back to the front door and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Fifteen dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?

"The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of those things."]]> Dog http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090505-012208 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Tue, 05 May 2009 06:22:08 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090505-012208 http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080716-014137
On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."

Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.

Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.

Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?

Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.

Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!

Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.

Several days later the two farmers meet up.

Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?

Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!

Luke: Didn't anyone complain?

Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.]]> Mule http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080716-014137 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Wed, 16 Jul 2008 06:41:37 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=07&entry=entry080716-014137 http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-204825
The man brings his little dog to the talent scouts office. The little dog is just about to finish singing "La Donna E' Mobile" (and sounding like Luciano Pavarotti), when a large dog runs into the room and grabs him by the scruff of the neck. It runs away with him in her mouth.

The talent scout yells, "Stop her. She's taking away our fortune!"

The man replies, sadly, "It's no use. That's his mother. She doesn't want him to be an entertainer. She wants him to be a doctor."
]]> Dog http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-204825 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 24 May 2008 01:48:25 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080523-204825 http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-184047
Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the chicken.

The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.

The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.

As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.

The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front.

Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.

After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens.

"Well we figure," said the farmer, "that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken. But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own."

"That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked "Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?"

"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never been able to catch one."]]> Chicken http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-184047 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sun, 11 May 2008 23:40:47 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080511-184047 http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-215545
“That’s an elephant”, the mother said.

After the child repeated after her, he asked, “Mommy? What’s that thing hanging down from the elephant?”

The mother replied, “That’s his trunk, sweetheart.”

“No, no”, said the child, “Behind that!”

“Oh, that’s his tail”, she said.

“No, no!” the boy exclaimed. “That thing in the middle!”

The woman was flustered and replied, “Uhhhh, that’s nothing, honey!” And they moved on…..

The next weekend, the boy’s father came to pick him up and the child cried, “Daddy, let’s go to the zoo! I learned all about the animals, and I want to show you what I learned!”

The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the child would shout out the name of the animal, and the father would praise him for being so smart. Finally, they arrived at the elephant cage, and the boy shouted, “Elephant!”

“Very GOOD”, beamed the father. “I’m proud of you for remembering all these animals!”

The boy asked, “Daddy? What’s that thing hanging down on the elephant?”

The father replied, “That’s his trunk.”

“No!”, the boy moaned, “Behind that!”

“That’s his tail”, the father replied.

“No, no! That thing in the middle!”

The father stammered, “Er…what did your mother say it was?”

“She said it was nothing!”

“Well”, the man said, puffing out his chest. “Your mother’s spoiled!”]]> Elephant http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-215545 Resources For Attorneys aj@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 05 May 2008 02:55:45 GMT http://animaljokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080504-215545