A turkey was talking to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more manure, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Once upon a time there was a stork family, daddy stork, mommy stork and baby stork.

One evening daddy stork didn't show up for dinner. Mommy stork and baby stork waited up for him but he didn't come home at all that night.

When daddy stork finally came home the next day, baby stork asked, "Daddy stork, where were you last night?"

"Out making a young couple very happy," replied daddy stork.

Several weeks later, baby stork was late for dinner. Daddy stork and mommy stork were worried. Their worry increased when baby stork still wasn't home by dark. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt.

Daddy stork barked, "Where were you, baby stork?"

"Out scaring the heck out of some college students," replied baby stork.

A man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He knocks on the door and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a mutt just sitting there.

"Can you talk?" he asks.

"Yes," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.

I had a few flings, a bunch of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed and he goes back to the front door and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Fifteen dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?

"The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of those things."

On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.

On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."

Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.

Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.

Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?

Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.

Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!

Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.

Several days later the two farmers meet up.

Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?

Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!

Luke: Didn't anyone complain?

Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.