You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.

Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.

You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies.

The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.

You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside.

You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.

You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kids.

You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.

You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.

You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The buddy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The man with the Doberman says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer says, "A Doberman?"

He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The man at the door says, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Jonathan who is noted for his tact was awakened one morning at four o'clock by his ringing telephone.

"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an irate voice.

Jonathan thanked the caller and politely asked his name before hanging up.

The next morning at four o'clock, Jonathan called back his neighbor. "Sir," he said, "I don't have a dog."

A lady in New York had a beautiful black cat, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

One cool October evening, he disappeared. The lady searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, the cat reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his wild oats.

Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when the cat disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, the lady began asking neighbors for clues.

Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. "A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter."