Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.

They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat!

I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog. But he's a little sadistic. He does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.

Dogs are lousy poker players. When the get a good hand they wag their tails.

A guy wanted the vet to cut his dog’s tail off. The vet asked why. Well, my mother in law is visiting next month and I want to eliminate any possible indication that she is welcome.