A turkey was talking to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more manure, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.

The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.

The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells."

The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing:

"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"

There was this little old lady who was nearly blind and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking her would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot that had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask of him any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she confronted her second son with "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son I just want to thank you for that most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

This housewife got tired of being alone every day since her husband was at work and her three daughters were in school, so she decided to get a pet to keep her company. She walks into the local pet store and explains her situation to the clerk and tells him that she wants a talking parrot.

The clerk thinks for a minute and then tells her that they do have one talking parrot, but that she wouldn't like him.

"Why not?" she asks.

"Well, he has been around a bit and has picked up some colorful language, and you did say that you have a family," he replied.

"Well, my girls are 16, 17, and 18. They have heard it all. Just let me see him."

The clerk finally agrees to show the lady the parrot and she instantly falls in love with the bird and insists on purchasing it right away. When she got home she covered the cage with a towel and went to get dinner ready for the family.

The next day she came down and uncovered the cage. "Brawkk!" said the parrot, looking around. "New place. New Madam. Morning Madam."

"Uh, Morning parrot," she said and then went to make breakfast. A few minutes later her daughters came downstairs, dressed and ready for school. "Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Morning Girls."

"Morning Parrot," they replied and went to help their mother get breakfast ready.

Soon the man of the house came down unshaven and in his bathrobe. "Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Same old customers. Morning Phil!"