Animal Jokes, Humor, Satire And Humorous Anecdotes
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      • You Are A Dog Person If #1
        02/29/08
        You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.

        Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.

        You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies.

        The trash basket is more or less permanently installed

      • Seeing Eye Dogs
        02/27/08
        There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

        The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got

      • Barking Dog
        02/26/08
        Jonathan who is noted for his tact was awakened one morning at four o'clock by his ringing telephone.

        "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an irate voice.

        Jonathan thanked the caller and politely asked his name before hanging up.
        <

      • Disapearing Cat
        02/25/08
        A lady in New York had a beautiful black cat, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

        One cool October evening, he disappeared. The lady searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, the cat reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he�

      • Where do pets come from
        02/24/08
        A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to, "Where do pets come from?"

        Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I don't see you anymore. I'm lonesome here and it's difficult for me to rem

      • The Winner
        02/22/08
        There was this little old lady who was nearly blind and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

        So Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

        Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes wi

      • This Parrot has Been Arround
        02/20/08
        This housewife got tired of being alone every day since her husband was at work and her three daughters were in school, so she decided to get a pet to keep her company. She walks into the local pet store and explains her situation to the clerk and tells him that she wants a talking parrot.

      • High Vet Bill
        02/19/08
        A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

      • Very Smart Dog
        02/18/08
        A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

        "What's up with this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

        "You dumb dog." As h

      • Attitude
        02/17/08
        An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black make up around his eyes. The old man just stared at him.

        With an attitude, the boy said, "W

      • Ugly Lady
        02/16/08
        A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

        Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she sees the same parrot and it says t

      • Costly Parrot
        02/15/08
        One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was hi

      • More Dog One Liners
        02/14/08
        Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

        When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

        I've been on so many blind dates I should get

      • Dog One Liners
        02/13/08
        Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

        Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

        There are three faithful friends--an old wife, an

      • The Plumber
        02/12/08
        A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.

        She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the p

      • Flying
        02/10/08
        Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

        After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

        Laying next to each other in intensive care at the ho

      • Very Smart Dog
        02/08/08
        A woman went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. Aft

      • Don't Talk To The Parrot
        02/07/08
        Mrs. Johnson phoned the plummer because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'

      • Jesus Is Watching You
        02/04/08
        A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search.

        Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a c

      • The Atheist and the bear
        02/01/08
        An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to loo

      • Cross-eyed Rotweiler
        02/01/08
        A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"

        "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

        Finally, he says &

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